Effy

luciel loves sani!

White macadamia nut

togainu no chi… i just have a genuine psychotic obsession with shiki i think he’s perfect I am mid overwatch match so therefore i can’t really think but all of shikiaki’s interactions are adorable to me & the pairing itself is quite special to me as well. I have some shiki merch i really cherish and thank you! I’m doing okay (: how are you?

hi ^p^ I’m getting a lot of asks after asking people to specifically ask me invasive questions i’m crying to give a real answer I know everyone online who likes to sound like an intellectual says their special interest is psychology but i’ve had psychopathology specifically as my special interest since i was about like 8-9. My mom works in the psych field and when she was a student i would read her psych textbooks including the DSM for fun and i have always carried that knowledge with me… being mentally ill myself and having been in the psych system since I was 13 i have tons of experiences myself, good and bad ones, criticisms and compliments, etc. Any ableism ultimately comes from a lack of fundamental understanding and I understand these experiences very well as I’ve lived them myself & I want to put that into practice when I eventually further my career as I’m almost done with my degree and I plan to go back to school after that anyway I’ve always been very interested in learning about others and the world because of how different my own worldview is so I wouldn’t say it was a particular moment.. I’ve just known since I was a kid this is what I should be doing. I don’t have a positive opinion on the world at all after CPTSD but if I can help misunderstood and struggling children + adolescence with mental illness like I once was I would like to do that. Majority of people go into psych have psych history themselves anyway thanks for the question (:

do u want to honestly edate This is a really intimate message

Can you ask me out to dinner first before we get into the inner workings of everything wrong with me i’m a little shy

I’m an eldritch horror now…. okay I will answer your question 🙋‍♂️ And yes, it really depends on the emotion though. I think my experience is much different because I have ASPD comorbid with BPD which makes me a bit more emotionally unstable compared to those with just ASPD but I still can’t recognize those emotions as they come. As a baseline I don’t feel much other than angry? If something upsets me my reaction is to be angry, before anything else. I notice and understand negative emotions much better than I understand positive ones which is a typical ASPD thing, and BPD amplifies these so anger turns to rage, annoyance turns to disgust, etc. I definitely do feel sadness, but I don’t recognize it as sadness because to me that is just Anger, that anything can make me feel sad. I wouldn’t say I respond to emotions the best way and I’m definitely working on that 😭 but I try my best to just let them exist, I have a very self centered way of thinking and processing due to ASPD so I actively try to be prosocial and communicate when something’s wrong so it doesn’t fester and get worse resulting in impulsivity. I am an impulsive person though and I’m working on that because not everything needs a reaction but that’s hard to understand when your reaction to everything and only way of understanding that you’re feeling something is when you want to react As for when someone matters to me honestly that part is tricky even for me.. ASPD makes it hard to feel any emotional connection to anything, but BPD makes it that on the off chance that I do form one, it’s Intense and an all or nothing thing. I do experience FPs as any other borderline does and because of ASPD they tend to be the only thing I care about, that affects me and makes me feel. I tend to avoid forming emotional connections because it is a Russian Roulette on if that will happen and FPs make me feel psychotic so 😭 For just regular friendships, I enjoy being in that person’s company and self centered thinking again but if I think about something happening that I can no longer have a bond with them, I label it as a loss. That’s typically how I know that someone matters to me even if I don’t feel it in a conventional way at all and struggle to understand what that looks like, I try to be a good friend. I do value others idk why people think pwASPD cannot! This was long and convoluted I hope it answered things for you ^q^ I love you too (:

i love you so very much my bunny friend

I LOVE YOU!

its ok! some of my stuff is outdated and i havent updated it. i do not have one, sorry

come here efy

hey Girl :eyes:

? who is this